The end of a crap year…

Yes I said it, this year was crap and to be honest that would be putting it nicely. I actually started a blog entry back in May intending to talk about the year so far and never got around to finishing it. Little did I know that the year would only get worse. Between the pandemic, deaths from loved ones and celebrities and the struggle to find a job (let alone a good one), its been rough.

I’m thankful that I have good family and friends that have been able to help me both financially and emotionally throughout this mess. I’d also like to thank music artists because for me music is literally life… whether it was a song from 20+ years ago or something released within the past few months. There is literally a song for every mood and its blissful.

I know some of my long term readers are aware that I deal with depression/anxiety and that it is hereditary so even when nothing seemingly major is going on I can be “down in the dumps”. As a result, this year has been extra heavy for me. I got laid off in early March only two weeks after starting a new job that seemed perfect for me… only to get rehired a few months later and realize that a thrown together online training was not adequate for me and literally sent my anxiety into over-drive. That led to a medication change which is never fun… you always have to factor in possible side effects and the fact that it takes nearly a month before the new medicine actually starts working. It seems to have been a good fit thus far but the true test will be when I am back in a standard work environment and under pressure. It still bothers me a bit that some companies do not recognize mental health issues in the same way as physical pain. It is still a topic that is not discussed enough and not very well understood by people who have never experienced it or studied it.

My saving grace this year has been my prayer life and the relationships I have developed with online friends. Late last year I started playing a mobile MMORPG game called Perfect World Mobile and while I have lost contact with some people along the way. I have made friendships that I hope will last a life time. I have a small group of men and women that I talk to nearly everyday. We game together, we listen to music together and stream movies together like there is no tomorrow. We rely on each other for advice and encourage one another when we are feeling down… it truly is the best. Having them has helped keep me from slipping further into depression and been a literal Godsend. I love those people more than they could ever know.

I’m not sure what more I can say about this year as I’ve covered both the personal highs and lows for myself. I can only hope that next year will be better and that I can travel to meet some of the friends in the coming years. Stay safe and healthy everyone!

Life.

lifeI’m going to try writing on here at least once a month even if it’s only to hold myself accountable to a goal. I sincerely need to have some form of consistency because my life has been anything but that lately. My health has had a big part in that as well as major events ranging from deaths of family/friends to seeing my dad retire. As of right now the biggest issue is hunting for a job that I can enjoy and make a decent wage at.

I decided to take some time off from working at the beginning of the year for both mental and physical health reasons. I felt comfortable doing so because I had a decent bit of money saved up to get through the first half of the year with no help from anyone. However, those savings are drying up and I’m still struggling to get back to a sense of normalcy. I wish that I could say the past few months have been a breeze but talking to my therapist last week forced me to do some reflection and face facts that I’ve really been going through a lot. Read More »

Going Home.

texasI went to Texas about two months ago but prior to that it had been almost 2 years since I had made my way back to my beloved home state. It took my dad officially retiring to get me back down there; although ironically enough he’s still doing temporary/contract work. At times I seriously wonder why we even bother to celebrate something that he technically has yet to do. My trip back home was full of nothing but love, laughter and happy memories. I got to catch up with my parents, siblings, cousins, and friends. I also got a chance to visit my mother’s grave for the first time in nearly 3 years. So its not exactly a mystery as to why I’m so excited to go back.Read More »

Starting Fresh.

I’m not even sure where to begin, I haven’t written on my personal blog in so long that I began to wonder if I should even bother trying to set it back up again. I lost all of my old entries and had to set everything up again on wordpress.com (its still a bit of a work in progress). It definitely feels good to be back though! During my extended hiatus I completely stopped writing altogether for quite awhile but I eventually started a private journal to help me get through some things. I still plan to utilize that journal but I’ve missed being able to share things with my friends, acquaintances and even random strangers. I enjoyed the feedback and the interaction that I got from this site and the various topics I covered. I’m really hoping to get back to that level again.Read More »