I went to Texas about two months ago but prior to that it had been almost 2 years since I had made my way back to my beloved home state. It took my dad officially retiring to get me back down there; although ironically enough he’s still doing temporary/contract work. At times I seriously wonder why we even bother to celebrate something that he technically has yet to do. My trip back home was full of nothing but love, laughter and happy memories. I got to catch up with my parents, siblings, cousins, and friends. I also got a chance to visit my mother’s grave for the first time in nearly 3 years. So its not exactly a mystery as to why I’m so excited to go back.
Unfortunately, there is a bit more to it than just being homesick though. I won’t get into extreme detail but health-wise this year has been quite rocky for me. I actually left my job in February because of it. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for a few years now as some of you may recall. My depression had finally got to a point where it was considered to be in remission a couple months ago which made me extremely happy. However, it has steadily gone back down within the past month or so because I was a victim of sexual assault. I finally started talking to a therapist about it last week and while that has helped there is still a part of me that just feels completely broken inside. Its hard to explain but it almost feels like my body is not my own right now. I even spent about 5 days in the hospital last month due to being physically ill after it happened. Its been a lot to process… and in addition to everything else my savings are almost non-existent now. My stress level is basically at an all time high. Some days its hard to even want to try to get up and function.
I feel like while I may not be 100% ready to re-join the workforce… its time to start looking because bills do not pay themselves. I figure I can find something part-time for starters and slowly work my way back into the groove of things. My therapist recommended that I try to take care of myself first and foremost instead of worrying about work. That is a bit hard to do when you’re down to your last and don’t want to rack up anymore credit card debt… but if it comes down to my health and well-being vs. a little more debt it is what it is. As stubborn as I’d like to be, I completely get where she is coming from. She really stressed that she wanted me to be in an environment where I can get the emotional support/attention that I need and right now that sadly is not Atlanta. I talked to my parents and they are looking forward to my visit, even helping me pay for the flight… I really think my mom would be happy about how much my relationship with my stepmom has improved since my teenage years. Heck, I’m proud of how its improved myself because we’ve both grown so much.
I may not like the circumstances for this upcoming trip, but I love the fact that I will be around my dad and family in general. I’m also looking forward to seeing one of my best friends. I just need this week to go by so I can hop on that plane… hopefully staying there a week won’t have me wanting to stay even longer 🙂