lifeI’m going to try writing on here at least once a month even if it’s only to hold myself accountable to a goal. I sincerely need to have some form of consistency because my life has been anything but that lately. My health has had a big part in that as well as major events ranging from deaths of family/friends to seeing my dad retire. As of right now the biggest issue is hunting for a job that I can enjoy and make a decent wage at.

I decided to take some time off from working at the beginning of the year for both mental and physical health reasons. I felt comfortable doing so because I had a decent bit of money saved up to get through the first half of the year with no help from anyone. However, those savings are drying up and I’m still struggling to get back to a sense of normalcy. I wish that I could say the past few months have been a breeze but talking to my therapist last week forced me to do some reflection and face facts that I’ve really been going through a lot. The break from work was beneficial in a sense, but the bumpy road of life still kept on. In the past three months alone I’ve been ill, spent a week in the hospital, been raped and watched one of my closest friends deal with the loss of her only remaining parent. I feel powerless… and there are a lot of days where I just want to sleep the day away not because I’m tired but because being unconscious or living a different life in my dreams is a blissful escape from reality. I can count on one hand the enjoyable moments I’ve had so far this year and that saddens me. I’m generally not one to lick my own wounds but everyone has a breaking point and I have been dangerously close to mine. Visiting Texas in April and June is probably one of the few things that has kept me afloat. Support from my loved ones and best friends has been paramount in my life.

I will say that despite the things I’ve  been dealing with, I haven’t given up and I still push  myself because I know that things will eventually get better. I’ve been through worse… at least in some aspects. A decade ago I was homeless and struggling to find work so I can’t exactly complain. I could go on but, I think I’ll end it here as this has been a extremely personal entry.

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